00:00 - Damaris (Host)

every Sunday going to my one hour mass, which I love because I can really appreciate the Catholic church in saying we don't need to be in this building for more than 60 minutes.

00:11 - Nachi (Host)

And that's it. You get the word and you leave. Yes, you get the word, you feel it and you head out. You should be filled, you should be filled. Welcome to another episode of I'm Not Yelling, I'm Dominican podcast, hosted by Nachi and Damaris. Hey, fam, it's your girl, Nachi, and I'm here with Damaris, your virtual football life coach. Oh, it's a coach.

00:51 - Damaris (Host)

Get your head in the fucking game, yeah yeah, you are good for that.

00:58 - Nachi (Host)

You definitely know how to hype someone up, I mean get your head in the game, drop the fucking yes, so stupid.

01:10

Well, welcome back y'all. Recently, damaris and I were doing some research for the podcast and I came across a video talking about toxic spirituality and it made me think about the people that I resonate with and how they differ from what I've seen or I would categorize as toxic spirituality, and I thought this would be a great topic for us to get into, because there's so many people out there who pose as spiritual teachers or spiritual healers and it's a lot more out there than we've seen in the past, and that's just because of where we are today with social media. But it just definitely brings up that whole idea of like, hmm, how can we describe toxic spirituality? What is that? How does that look like and why is it that certain people resonate with us?

02:08 - Damaris (Host)

because I would say you resonate with the same type of people that I do, damaris, right yes yeah, so you know that's what we're going to get into and talk a little bit more about yeah, no, I mean, I'm excited to talk about this because, as you mentioned, with in the past five years, there's definitely been a shift and a growing presence of more spiritual influencers, and I and I like to use the term spiritual influencers because they kind of cover everyone that fall under that umbrella, like gurus and spiritual advisors and spiritual leaders I like to say influencers because it's just like a nice black bucket yeah no, that's dumb.

02:48

And so, yeah, and so I found that, like in the last five years, with the growth of social media and especially with the whole global meltdown pandemic you know, pandemic, whatever you want to call it there's been a huge surge in that area of influencers, and part of it is because I think people are the veil is lifting, and when I say the veil is lifting, I'm saying a lot of illusions are being, bubbles are being burst and illusions are being destroyed left and right, and so what you always thought you knew to be true now isn't quite.

03:29

And so, because of that, you have a lot of people coming out and speaking about their experience and about their spiritual journey and also using their gifts, if that's what their gifts are tapped into. And so, while it's all well and good, there is, as with any industry, a dark side, right, right, insidiousness, and typically before it would just be. Mostly, when you think about spiritual influencers, it was really like church leaders and people from different religions. And so now you have like all these gurus and all these influencers all about. You have like all these gurus and all these influencers all about, and, yes, you and I, we resonate with certain spiritual influencers that are authentic. And when we say authentic, for me it's like I like to see that a person is showing me you're good, you're bad when stuff ain't so nice, when stuff is doing, you know, going really well, because showing your vulnerability sometimes is just how people can relate to you and I don't want to tap into someone who is always just showing that perfect side of them.

04:35

Right Cause it's cause, then there's a level of inauthenticity of this is how your life always is God bless, good for you. And it's not. There's no hating there, it's just okay. Well, that's not realistic for you. And it's not. There's no hating there, it's just okay. Well, that's not realistic for me, and so I'm likely not going to really be able to relate to you. And I think for us like when I think about our podcast we are by no means nobody's spiritual influencers, and I'm not claiming that, but I like to think that we're vulnerable enough and authentic enough that you, you're like oh okay, oh okay. No, they feel like family, I could tap into them, and so this is how, like the people, the spiritual influences we like.

05:10

These are the kind of people that remind us a little bit of ourselves and that they're putting themselves out there, they're sharing things that aren't so great, and I love to see that, because then it makes me feel you come off as more relatable right I don't want anyone perfect, and so we identified a few different types of toxic spiritual influencers, and I guess one of them we've talked about is that the unethical guru, and there's a bunch of Netflix specials for all different types of spiritual gurus and how they can use their position of power to take advantage of people who are in a vulnerable state, especially if they're looking for direction in their own spirituality, and unfortunately, those are the ones that sometimes get taken the most advantage of.

05:56 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah.

05:56 - Damaris (Host)

Because they're looking to put their hope in someone or something and they're looking for that guidance. And if someone is telling them that, no, follow me, listen to me, because I know the ways I'm connected to the creator and there's some sort of gate and they believe them to be some sort of gatekeeper, then those are the ones that are the most susceptible to being taken advantage of. Now there's no gatekeeper for me. There used to be with the Catholic church, because we were raised Catholic and I was a nice church going girl Every Sunday going to my one hour mass, which I love because I can really appreciate the Catholic church in saying we don't need to be in this building for more than 60 minutes.

06:42 - Nachi (Host)

And that's it. You get the word and you leave. Yes, you get the word, you feel it and you head out. You should be filled, you should be filled.

06:50 - Damaris (Host)

My whole Sunday should not be in this one building. That's my opinion. So I appreciated the Catholic church for that. But they're very much gatekeepers, as is, as are, all religions. They're gatekeepers, right. There's always someone. There's the priest, the preacher or the pastor, or the rabbi or the imam. No, I don't need a gatekeeper. Y'all don't know I'm connected to the most high. I tap in boom, boom, but that's me, knowing that for me, and not everyone may feel that connection, even though I believe everyone has that connection because we're all children of the Most High. So I feel like with unethical gurus, it's easy for them for certain types of people, and that's who they target right, who professes to know it all and can become very dismissive or manipulative with their knowledge or their so-called knowledge.

07:52 - Nachi (Host)

Right, you talked about people who are vulnerable, and those are people who are more susceptible to being manipulated and feeling ashamed. I think that's part of the toxicity to some spiritual leaders, where they shame people instead of helping them grow. And, just like we had said, there are certain people or spiritual influencers that we resonate with because of the mere fact of they share realistic issues that they have gone through that may be similar to what we've gone through, or things that we could understand and relate to. I prefer that as well. I prefer to see someone who is living real life because, to be honest, no one's perfect.

08:44

So these gurus or these spiritual leaders who pretend that they're perfect are actually harming the very community that they're professing to protect and to help, and for me, it's just like you have to help people go through their season of whatever that is, of that challenge. You know, whatever challenges or issues that they're going through and we always talk about you have to go through, you know. You have to understand your shadow, right? You have to understand what's that all about, because that is what teaching you to become better or to evolve? Not even better, because we're always evolving. We're always improving on ourselves. It's not even so much that where we are is not a good place, it's just-.

09:30

It's an evolution, right right, we should never be stagnant. We should always continue changing and evolving and we look to people, to these spiritual leaders, to these spiritual influencers as you said, damaris to share and to enlighten us, because we can't all possibly go through the same experience. But I can definitely learn from your experience, because what you've gone through, I can get something out of that so that I can apply that to my own life and move forward. So I totally agree with that.

10:06 - Damaris (Host)

Yeah, I also think it's funny how, with the online spiritual influencers, particularly, like you know, the IG spiritual influencers, there are many that will copy and follow other IG spiritual influencers right, and so it can get.

10:22

It can become very dangerous if you just follow all and take everything that they say as gospel, because they're human beings too, and I think people put certain people on pedestals and it's like no, at least the ones that we, like they tell their audience, do not put me on a pedestal. I am only human and I respect that even more because it's true, look, you're not above the human experience and while they may have certain attributes or like if they're, you know, clairvoyant and to some degree you know, that doesn't mean that they are not going to go through their human journey, the same, dealing with the same types of things that we do. And so, again, I appreciate that honesty, I appreciate the transparency, and when I think about when we were doing research on a different topic, you know, actually we were doing research about trying to understand our audience and who's listening to us and whatnot trying to understand our audience and who's listening to us and whatnot.

11:27

And you came across some other podcasters that talked about spiritual topics, since some of our episodes touch on that topic you had mentioned there was one where people had started writing reviews, speaking about how that particular spiritual podcaster was no longer relatable, because they're talking about yes, I'm gonna go on my trip to india for 14 days and meditate and do, and it's like I'm taking a month off and people are like who's taking a month off?

11:56

who's doing that or this idea of everything is like you just move through your trauma and shit and just put on a layer of positivity to it and it's going to be all good, change what you say, how you say it, and it's going to, you know, dramatically change your life, or even that's so surface no, it is.

12:17 - Nachi (Host)

it is especially saying things like oh, you're in that situation because you weren't thinking positively Right.

12:26 - Damaris (Host)

Hello Ma'am. No, what are you talking about?

12:31 - Nachi (Host)

We, everybody, every single person on this God good green earth, deal with ups and downs and that's the point of life and valleys that we all go through throughout our lifetime. It is never this one plateau of experiences. Everything is the same.

12:52 - Damaris (Host)

No, that is so funny to me Because if I were to go by that then Papi died because we weren't positive, I would jump off the bridge if I felt like that was the reason why my father isn't on this earth. You know, and I think that kind of idea of just think positively and things are good, no, that is toxic in itself, because that is not realistic. What really you should be doing is being introspective. Ask yourself why do you feel the way you do?

13:20 - Nachi (Host)

Right, because acting that way actually invalidates the struggle and it stops people from processing the pain that they're experiencing and learning from it. So, yeah, no, it's not about just think positively and don't worry about it. It'll get better. And when you think about people who are going through their own experience and you're trying to hold space for them is to keep that in mind, as well, right. It's just like don't come to them with this, oh, things will be better, or don't worry. Sometimes, while it's well-meaning, it comes from a good place.

14:00

Right, you have to sort of read the room. Sometimes it feels disrespectful. Right, you have to kind of read the room.

14:02

It feels disrespectful. Right, you have to kind of read the room. They may just want space to kind of vent, they may just want to let it out. They just want to feel those emotions and and as a friend or someone who's supporting that person a partner or spouse your place is to just be there and listen and be like, yeah, that shit sucks right, right, no, I had a friend back in the day I swear it would be.

14:29 - Damaris (Host)

She'd always say things like, yeah, you know, she'd always try to put a positive spin, something. It was like just let, just let somebody say something and just be like, yeah, yeah, that's fucked up, yeah you're right, I don't blame you for feeling the way you do.

14:47 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, sometimes that goes far further than you just trying to not acknowledge.

14:53 - Damaris (Host)

Nod your head and give me a hug. And give me a hug, man. Sometimes I just need that. I don't need you to add any more sauce to it. I don't need you to tell me it's going to be all right. I know it's going to be okay.

15:03 - Nachi (Host)

I know it's going to be okay, I know it is, I just need to I'm just going to yell and scream right now.

15:16 - Damaris (Host)

I just want to curse somebody out and it's funny she wouldn't say it to me, because I would just observe her doing it with other people and I would be like, oh my gosh. Yeah, everything doesn't always have to be so positive. But with me I typically and you know this about me and anybody that knows me very well I don't like to. Even if something has bothered me, I don't even really like to talk about it because I don't like to dwell in that space, because I've already sat with myself, I've thought it through, I'm like okay, it's done, whatever, if I keep talking about it and bringing it up, I don't like to vent about certain things.

15:45

I'll tell you about it after the fact, when I'm already in a good space Right, right, right.

15:49

Like today. I told you yesterday I wasn't feeling well, I was feeling very anxious and I needed to sit with myself and just be still and thankfully my husband calmed me down a little bit. I didn't call or tell you about it because I didn't like the space I was in to begin with and by me talking about it even more would just keep me in that space. Now some people they need to vent that out, and that's okay to some degree, and you also have to manage that as a person, because if you're always emotionally dumping on the same people and you're emotionally dumping on the same topic, I know me. Look, I tell you. I tell you, I give you my advice once and I'll tell you. I'm going to tell you this one time. You're not going to hear me say it again, right.

16:36

But please believe I will not let you waste my time also bringing up the same thing, because I've already told you where I stand, what I think you should do. If you don't want to do it, that's on you.

16:44 - Nachi (Host)

Tamara, sometimes you have to be, you have to tone it down a bit, and you and I we've talked about that yes, yes, but I opened not you, but I opened up virtual football life coach.

17:05 - Damaris (Host)

I know, I know I'm not pretending and this is why you've talked to me about that and with certain people what I've done is that I won't engage in those conversations with those people because they're not going to like how I tell them certain things, and only when I've repeated myself. Here's the thing, guys, and I've said this I don't like to repeat myself.

17:28 - Nachi (Host)

Personal life, professional life not never, but sometimes they're not looking for advice, sometimes they're just looking, like you said, to just dump, and if it's with permission, then dump away, right, but I don't want to hear the same thing. I get it. I get it.

17:46 - Damaris (Host)

Nope and I and.

17:46

I and I'm glad you said that, because I don't give unsolicited advice and but unless I feel like, okay, let me just, I see you, I see you about literally driving onto oncoming traffic, let me tell you what I think. But yeah, otherwise I forgot why we even got on that tangent. But yeah, look, that's life. Back to spiritual influencers that are a topic I would also like to add letting ideology dictate what feels intuitively right to you, and what I mean by that is back to religion. Like for me, I could easily let my Catholic ideology dictate okay, this is a sin, you're going to go to hell. Not only is it a sin, it's a mortal sin. So right, like I just said, you're going to go to hell and you're not good enough, so you have to confess to the priest, then you are okay, you'll be able to go to heaven, all these things. I don't think so, because that never really sat well with me. And, knowing A I'm part of a collective that comes from the creator, I have to also believe and feel connected through my community and through the creator creator. I have to also believe and feel connected Through my community and through the creator, and I have to listen to myself and what feels right for me, and that's also being mindful of being influenced by also what society is telling you. No, because nobody is going to tell me Outside of me.

19:19

Damaris, this is how you should feel. You should always vote this way. You should always look to do this. How you should feel you should always vote this way. You should always look to do this. You should always take a vaccine. You should always. If they tell you not, she's like how, how'd I come? What? Where are we going with this?

19:32

I mean no, no, okay, okay, okay, look guys, look guys. I am not. I'm not anti-vax. I I have vaccine, I have been vaccinated.

19:45 - Nachi (Host)

I just don't like to be told what to do that's really the bottom line and I think, and I and I'm still dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder because we're talking about toxic spirituality, and your ass is like no, I don't gotta take a vaccine. I'm like what?

20:01 - Damaris (Host)

what? No, I know, I know, I know, no, no, but this idea of again just these ideological positions of you have to do this because we say so and whatever, whoever's that we right, it could be the church, it could be, you know, the government, it could be your friends, it could be your family, your culture. You have to do this and it's like. No, you should reject that if it doesn't feel right to you, if it's not intuitively in line with you. Because of society's conditioning, you're not as connected to yourself in really feeling what's right and what's wrong. Right, and I could say that easily for myself.

20:44

There was certain things in my life where, no, I I very much cared about the optics of certain things because I worked in corporate or because you know how one of my friends to view me and all that stuff, and now I just don't care, but because, because certain things just intuitively does don't feel right to me and I and I think I brought up the vaccine because I think for me that was something, especially that was something really big five years ago where I had family and friends. Be that, but just to your whole point.

21:17 - Nachi (Host)

it's either you're good or you're bad, Right. There's never there's never a gray area where it's like, where we don't have or we can't think for ourselves. It's someone saying if you do this, this is good, if you do that it is bad and people struggle with that, especially when they're trying to be good people right, like I want to be good. Like no, I don't want to be seen as bad. I don't want to be someone who's not here representing God in its fullest Right.

21:57 - Damaris (Host)

Yeah, so when you're telling me that if I do a particular action or behave a certain way, that I know I'm no longer godly, I am now well, you're no longer a good person, or now you're selfish because, and it's just like no, I just have a brain and I I think critically and I like to think for myself. I don't want anyone to think for me and tell me, because my whole life I've moved with, okay, yeah, this doesn't feel right, okay, I'm moving along, I don't like this, this doesn't work for me. If those things work for you, that's fantastic, but you have to listen to yourself to really know, does that work for me?

22:36 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah.

22:37 - Damaris (Host)

And I'm saying I do for me, and that rubs people the wrong way sometimes, but I'm like and, frankly, but I don't care what you do with your life as long as you don't impact my life by telling me what to do. That's all. That's all I'm saying, yeah, and so, yeah, that was probably a little too much time on that, but anyway, you know who you got here and I feel like there's always these red flags right when you see from the spiritual community of, okay, somebody sound the alarm, something in a milk ain't thing with these people, and I think what are the we kind of already talked about is that whole good vibes, only culture.

23:19 - Nachi (Host)

Good vibes only, okay, love and light no doubt Great, but it's not always love and light. That's not how we grow, it's just not always.

23:29 - Damaris (Host)

It's not, I think, the idea of look, your life started in the womb and guess what? It was the womb? The womb was dark. You started in darkness and you came out into the light, so you very much needed to grow in that darkness before you came out. And so there are things that we have to do on our shadow side of there's work. How do you address whatever past trauma? How do you address, how do you heal? If you don't address the issues that you've had in your life and also recognizing through that you can't expect people to give you closure that you may want. How do you learn to give yourself the closure? How do you learn to do this for yourself, to move forward? Because that's our human journey. It's not about getting to a destination.

24:16 - Nachi (Host)

It's about how we keep growing.

24:22 - Damaris (Host)

There's no stop. There's no stop. Stopping is when you're dead. Yeah.

24:27 - Nachi (Host)

Because we go through different phases in our lives. We're not just like I'm not the same person when I was a toddler or a teenager or a young adult. You know, we go through different phases and we learn different lessons in life and we just have to be open to those lessons and, like you said said, grow from it right and so so, yeah, that's a red flag.

24:49 - Damaris (Host)

If it's always about good times, only in love and life, that's going to invalidate your struggle. Yes, and to my family, mi familia, we already know come on, stop to, to to the diaspora, stop playing with us like that's not a real thing, and I think we touched upon this too, this idea of blaming people for their hardships. Right the that. You manifested this because you didn't think this way the superiority that comes with some spiritual influencers, and it's interesting to see because, yeah, like to me, I never liked the influencers that feel that I know better than you, right, like they're enlightened.

25:34 - Nachi (Host)

You're not here yet. You're not here yet.

25:39 - Damaris (Host)

Yes, yes, and whether that be because you know like, whether it's in a church setting or whether it's on IG, but that whole I know more than you, I'm more connected than you.

25:51 - Nachi (Host)

No, no no, we're all connected.

25:56 - Damaris (Host)

Yeah, and also any kind of influencer. That's like be humble. That's a red flag for me. Why should I did my life?

26:08 - Nachi (Host)

so wait a minute, so they tell you to be humble. You're like that's a red flag.

26:12 - Damaris (Host)

Yeah, oh, my goodness be humble about what muhammad ali was. Never humble, he sure wasn't? He sure wasn't it ain't bragging if it's the truth, or something like that. When I tell you, that resonated with me.

26:31 - Nachi (Host)

It was like okay, you said a word.

26:33 - Damaris (Host)

I was like I feel seen. I feel seen. It's not bragging, if it's the truth. What do you want me to? What do you want me to do?

26:42 - Nachi (Host)

well, another red flag, I would say, is people who always say you can manifest yourself out of anything, and to me it's like you can't like you can't manifest. Manifest your way out of systemic oppression or generational trauma you actually have to work through it right yes and we have like our bonus episode.

27:04 - Damaris (Host)

We talk about manifestation, but we're we don't speak to it in the sense of like you can manifest yourself out of a situation you know what I'm saying it's just like, that's not how it works, right, right right, yeah, we shared how we manifested our home in Harlem, but it was also, when you hear it, it's not, ooh, manifesting every day we're visualizing.

27:32 - Nachi (Host)

We're not meditating on it, we're doing.

27:35 - Damaris (Host)

We were doing things. We were doing things. We just were not worried, right, right, you know. So, yeah, no, that's actually a great call and yeah, I would also say those Right, you're just like it's okay, kind of like you know, I pray for those people.

28:03 - Nachi (Host)

But it's always a prayer and a thought, yeah.

28:06 - Damaris (Host)

Or you know, kind of like I'm going to take the high road and it's just like, yeah, you can take the high road, I mean to a degree, but at some times it's like you also need to let people know yeah, I'm not the one?

28:21 - Nachi (Host)

No, it's true.

28:26 - Damaris (Host)

It. Yeah, I'm not the one. No, it's true.

28:27 - Nachi (Host)

It's true, respectfully Right, especially if it's your mother or a family member, but I'm not the one, but just kind of talking about that and just family in general. When they talk about you know we're going to pray about it versus not going to therapy. You know, like there's certain situations that you would need therapy for and you'll have those people who would say, oh, we're just going to pray about she has a mental or he has a mental illness, we're just going to pray about it. We're not, we don't need to deal with that, that that real issue that is happening.

28:58

We're just gonna pray on it yes, and I think that becomes problematic because for those people who are dealing with something traumatic or an illness or anything of that nature, when you just say I'll pray about it and things don't happen the way they would like, that's harmful to them you know, that's harmful to them, you know that's harmful to them, and I think part of that is the stigma that comes with therapy. We talked about that in a previous episode, in the mental health episode that we had, where there's a stigma around that.

29:30 - Damaris (Host)

So yes, especially in Caribbean communities. That is absolutely true. It's like what do you need that for? You don't need to talk to anyone. Yeah, pray it away or just forget about it, clean the house and get over it, and you're like, wait, what that's more important, oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, absolutely, and that's a huge thing. And using faith to avoid issues, which is along those lines where it's again, if you pray on it only then you pray it away or you pray it to come to, is that they need and not just make a blanket statement of we're going to pray over you or you know, know, god knows what he's doing?

30:10 - Nachi (Host)

yes, he does, but absolutely right but we praise him all the time, all the time.

30:46

But this person is needing something right now, like they're trying to figure things out and they may not, obviously, if they're trying to spiritually heal, go through a spiritual. There's a lot of reflection that they have to do, there's a lot of inner work that they need to go through, and part of that is actually dealing with those traumas, those emotions, and not burying it by just saying God gonna take care of it. You know what I'm saying? It should not be treated as something that is going to magically disappear on its own, because that's not how God works, you know.

31:26 - Damaris (Host)

No, no. And the way you and I believe our human existence to be, we're very much about this is a journey for us to learn individual lessons, and so you have to go through those lows to understand and take the time after those lows to think through. What is the lesson I'm supposed to learn from this? There is something there.

31:50 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, yeah.

31:51 - Damaris (Host)

There's something there. Even in our father's death, the most traumatic thing we've experienced to date, there were things that I've still. I've learned about myself that has changed my outlook on things dramatically in the best way possible, has gotten me in touch with my highest self even more so, and I don't think that really would have happened without his passing, without that kind of transformative change. And that's the thing about life is that change is the only constant, like change is always going to happen. Slightly off topic when we talk about every time, you see, with new generations, now Gen Z, they're like, oh, I've had to deal with this in my life, blah, blah, blah, these major milestones or these major events, global events, and it's like, yeah, you guys are growing up in a crazy time. But I'm like so did we right, so did our parents. Every time, it was always kind of crazy.

32:51 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, no, it's true.

32:53 - Damaris (Host)

It's true, right Nothing is smooth and easy going for any consistent amount of period, because something's bound to change, and so that is life.

33:03

That is as hard as that is, but you just have to think are you going to be resistant or are you going to bend and flow with it and go in the direction that you're meant to go so you could learn what you got to learn? Because when I'm telling you that I'm trying to learn all my lessons in this lifetime, I'm not trying to come back. Earth is ghetto. Maybe I shouldn't say that, because then they're going to be like you didn't learn your lesson Earth isn't ghetto. You're coming right back Just kidding.

33:32 - Nachi (Host)

Earth is not ghetto.

33:34 - Damaris (Host)

But I think I want this to be my last go around. I want to be an ancestor that helps my descendants. You know, I don't. I don't think I need to come back, but honestly though, I do want to learn all the things I need to learn.

33:47 - Nachi (Host)

Right, right.

33:49 - Damaris (Host)

And so when you have that kind of approach of yeah, everything's going to be fine, just pray on it or just think good thoughts yes, absolutely Always think good thoughts but also time box yourself and be in your feelings.

34:04 - Nachi (Host)

Yes.

34:05 - Damaris (Host)

Cry, your cries Give yourself a time limit. You have to. You have to because trust and believe that those feelings do not. All they do is manifest into some ailment in your body.

34:16

Next thing you know, you're going to the doctor and you got some serious issues, I promise you so just yes, yes, and I think this is kind of like where I think, for you and I, this is how we've been able to reclaim our spirituality and how we've been able to heal. And again, thank God for my sister, thank you, thank you, thank you. My gratitude is immense Because I would not, I could not, no, I could not have gone through what we've gone through.

34:46 - Nachi (Host)

Right, right.

34:47 - Damaris (Host)

Yeah, Point blank. And so and part of that is embracing all the emotions.

34:52 - Nachi (Host)

It is Shit ain't easy. No, it's not.

34:54 - Damaris (Host)

And that's the worst thing about it. It's just like there are times when you're like I don't want to fucking cry, but guess what? Let that out. I can't have that in me and it's not good for it to just be sitting in you and repressing and our peoples love to repress. Sometimes I cry just because.

35:10 - Nachi (Host)

I gotta let it out because I got too much tension.

35:14 - Damaris (Host)

Right Also, this is why I set boundaries. This is why everyone should set boundaries. This is why we have two episodes on boundaries. Yeah because it's important, because we grow up in a culture where there are no such things as boundaries, especially within our family, and I love my family to death. I love my family heavy.

35:32 - Nachi (Host)

That's the only way you can maintain your sanity.

35:35 - Damaris (Host)

Yes, but I will not bend on certain things. I will not bend right Nachi yes, she can be so annoyed. I know, I know, but I've been. I do anything for my sister. I'm constantly bending for her. Where people may get one chance, I get two. She gets like three, you get three.

35:59

I told you that before you get three, but then by the third time, then it's going to be like game over, game over man. Like it's done, it's done. No, yeah, setting boundaries is huge. That's the. That is an important way to reclaim, to, to heal and reclaim your spirituality, like, like again, we're spiritual beings having a human experience. Yes, this is this, is it. We're not human beings and dealing with spirituality. No, because I, I live. I was here before this vessel and I will be here past this vessel when I say here, hopefully just in the spiritual realm and not on the earthly realm.

36:41 - Nachi (Host)

You don't want to come back.

36:44 - Damaris (Host)

No, I think I'm good. I think I've learned all the things. I've learned all the things. I'm good, I'm good. So, yeah, and I like this. You wrote this in our outline, but it's finding balance between faith, personal responsibility and action.

36:59 - Nachi (Host)

I think that's just a good balance because, like we've been saying throughout the show, there's never a it's not black and white, right, there has to be a balance. We are, I guess, a spiritual being. We were raised under the Catholic faith, under the Catholic faith, so while we're more, I guess, spiritual than religious, we still have that foundation, and just having that balance of who we are and again that's where boundaries come into play, because that's going to help you create those balances is setting those boundaries. And for me, things have never been black or white. For me, there's always gray area, there's always well, I don't have to do that, you know they're like, like you said earlier, there were, there are things with the Catholic tradition that I didn't agree with, but that didn't bother me. I'm going to continue doing what I do, right.

37:57 - Damaris (Host)

Oh, I know, because you kept going for communion even though you were, you had mortal sin and that's that's that. I mean you know.

38:06 - Nachi (Host)

I don't know.

38:13 - Damaris (Host)

I'm sure you don't apply this to laws right? Yeah, it's just like this law doesn't make sense to me. So Right Facts, I agree, laws right. Yeah, it's just like this law doesn't make sense to me, so but we're right. So, facts, I agree, no, but absolutely. And I think the other big takeaway is personal responsibility within thinking, within finding that balance, because, again, you are, you're responsible for your own actions, you're accountable for, for the outcome of your life, no one else's, no one else's.

38:44 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah.

38:45 - Damaris (Host)

So it's just a choice. You can put that power, you can empower others to have that kind of power over your life, or you can take that back and do what it is that you want to do with your life, how you want to do it, and so that's something. Not always for some it's maybe not as easy of a concept to grasp because they may feel powerless, but actually we're all individually very powerful and it is just a matter of where do you give your power away? And you have to think about that. And so I think kind of the question that, especially as you look for spiritual influencers and again that's an umbrella term that we're using to cover pastors, religious leaders or IG, social media, spiritual influences and all that you should be thinking is what they're saying, what I'm hearing, is it empowering me or is it shaming me?

39:49

And I think I think you had positioned that quite well also in the outline just like how do I feel about that? Do I feel good, do I feel empowered or do I feel like shit? And sometimes feeling empowered means like wow. I'm now thinking about this in this way, even though it offended me at first, because there's a couple of influences that we follow that for some they're very abrasive, but I don't care about that. But for some people it is a lot to handle and so maybe when you take away the emotion and you listen to the message, do you feel empowered it energizes you yeah, it energizes you to take action.

40:26

Right.

40:26 - Nachi (Host)

Because that's really what it's all about. Sometimes you're just not seeing things for what it is, or you have a different perspective. So when you hear another person's perspective, you tend to have a different point of view, like, oh, you tend to have a different point of view. Like, oh, you know what? I didn't really look at it that way.

40:42 - Damaris (Host)

And I didn't consider it from that perspective.

40:44 - Nachi (Host)

And you're right, there are some that are very abrasive and folks get a little, get a little offended. Yeah, ruffles get feathered. Yeah, ruffles get feathered. I love it.

40:54 - Damaris (Host)

I'm like, yeah, for me, I don't get caught up in the emotion of it, because if it doesn't apply to me, I let it fly, okay. Or if they feel a certain way, okay, like I'm still gonna move the way I want to move.

41:09 - Nachi (Host)

If it doesn't, if it doesn't resonate with me, and I like the fact that you said that because and it's very important just because someone says something or you feel what they're trying to say is too much, but you might have taken a piece of it To me I look at others or people's perspective. I kind of take what I need and let go of the rest. I don't have to agree with every single thing a person says for me not to get a message that's meant for me to get right, because we all have different. Like I said, we all have different lessons. We each have our own experiences that we're going through, and sometimes a message may come through in the most unexpected way from the most unexpected person way from the most unexpected person.

42:03 - Damaris (Host)

Yeah, Listen, listen. I listened to all types of people because I never liked to be in a.

42:06 - Nachi (Host)

in an echo, I feel like I need to hear everybody.

42:09 - Damaris (Host)

Yes, especially those that I view as the enemy. I need to know what you're saying.

42:14 - Nachi (Host)

I need to know what you're saying.

42:18 - Damaris (Host)

So I keep friends and enemies close. I need to see what y'all all say Yup, and then I make a decision of what, what resonates with me and what aligns with me or not. But that's how it's supposed to be. And.

42:30 - Nachi (Host)

I think that's and that's where it really starts is for people to be open to hearing others out and then taking whatever message they're meant to take and let go of the other stuff.

42:43 - Damaris (Host)

Absolutely, and I think people need to recognize at times separating the message from the messenger.

42:49 - Nachi (Host)

Yes.

42:50 - Damaris (Host)

And that's the truth. Your spiritual team is going to have you receive and hear messages at different points in your life, different ways, and it's up to you to be aware of that stuff, to be present, and usually you're aware of it when you're present, in the moment because when you're not present in the moment and you're thinking about what happened a year ago with so-and-so, or what you want to do in three years.

43:15

you're not present, so you're not getting the messages you're supposed to get. Listen, we have talked about a lot in this episode, even things that I didn't expect to talk about, but as I'm talking through them, I'm like holy shit, I'm connecting the dots of how that connected to the spirituality too, even though it may not have sounded like it, and I'm not going to bring up what exactly that was, because then people are going to be like she is obsessed. I'm not obsessed, no, it's just PTSD. It's just PTSD. Guys. Never again, never again, ptsd.

43:50 - Nachi (Host)

Oh, my goodness.

43:51 - Damaris (Host)

So, yes, I think you said it very well, nachi, about ultimately, you have to figure out what serves you best, and that is how you can build your spiritual practice.

44:03

I think, for me, spiritual practice is a very individual thing and that is something that should work for you, not what you're told should work for you and that could look any way, and this is a judgment-free zone and I hope you're not judging us, but if you are, oh well, because I'm not judging you Right, it's okay.

44:24

I wish nothing but the best, yeah, yeah, look, we're all going to think different things in different ways and connect differently, and that is a-okay, and so I hope you got something out of this conversation. I hope you also laughed and I also hope that we said some things that helps you think about your situation and, if there's anything to think about and if nothing else, that you just enjoyed it and you were able to kiki with us. So we'd like to end as we always do, that there's a lot of noise out there, but our message is consistent Stop getting distracted by the smoke and mirrors, tune out the noise and focus on your divine purpose in life, vibrate higher to elevate your frequency and always thank you for listening. So, that said, don't forget to subscribe to our channel and follow us on Instagram, tiktok and Twitter @imnotyelling_, and we look forward to talking next time.