00:00 - Damaris (Host)

this process of releasing attachments is that sometimes you don't do that because, to your point, you don't want to. You're either afraid of the unknown, of what's outside of this change in your life, or just Welcome to another episode of I'm Not Yelling, I'm Dominican podcast hosted by Nachi and Damaris.

00:32 - Nachi (Host)

Hey, fam, it's your girl, nachi, and I'm here with.

00:36 - Damaris (Host)

Damaris, your lovable matrix rebel.

00:39 - Nachi (Host)

So we welcome you all back to another episode and before we get started, I do have a question for everybody Are your attachments helping you grow or holding you back? And that's really what we want to know. When we're talking about attachments and the role in our lives, spirituality and our own personal growth, we don't recognize it as often and I know that this is attachment creeps up when we least expect it, and when you think about relationships or attachments to material things, we tend to hold on even tighter and can't let go. So we want to talk about how that plays into our lives and we're just going to kick it off with that.

01:38 - Damaris (Host)

Yeah, and I think it'll be good to start with what are we defining as attachments for this conversation, right? Because I think some people may just feel like, oh, attachments to things or to ideas or to visions, but we're also talking about relationships, the bonds that you've created with your loved ones, and that's all a part of it Spirituality, psychologically. So those are all things that we're talking about.

02:11 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, yeah, there's many different types of attachments. So, if we talk about emotional attachments, right where this is about connections you have with people or relationships, as you mentioned, that you get a sense of love or support and belonging, so you think about close friendships. I have friends that I've known since shoot I was 13 years old, right, I have you know, I, oh, I can't even Right, I have, you know I, oh, I can't do it.

02:45

I've had romantic partners that I have stayed in that relationship well after the expiration date and that's part of attachment Right and family ties. You know, I feel like we're attached to, to our own family, our immediate family.

03:18 - Damaris (Host)

No, we, we, yeah, no, we're obsessed with each other, with our parents. Yes, it's, a professional therapist told you that it was a problem, but we don't deem it as a problem. But this is what you get for going to a white male therapist.

03:33 - Nachi (Host)

Yes, yes and just and just so that you all know this was I was very young, I was very young but wait, can we step back?

03:41 - Damaris (Host)

real talk you love, you have an md and that you can diagnose all kinds of things within yourself like a doctor would no, it's called I read, I receive knowledge and you sound?

03:57 - Nachi (Host)

very defensive no no, I'm just saying when people read, they become knowledgeable. Okay.

04:08 - Damaris (Host)

Keep going. But we bring this up because you went into that doctor's office for this therapy session because you felt you were ADHD, right? Yes, somehow you came to that conclusion on your own. Yes, self-diagnosed.

04:26 - Nachi (Host)

And then I don't need a doctor to tell him. But I did go to him, but then that doctor was like actually that's not your problem.

04:33

The doctor was like you've got attachment issues which was crazy because and and okay, well, let me just step back he was number one being dismissed if he was a white man and he just was not connecting with me on many levels. One, he couldn't connect with me as a woman and two, he couldn't connect with me as a Black Latina. He came to the conclusion that I had an attachment disorder because I still lived at home.

04:59 - Damaris (Host)

And you were what? 23 or something.

05:01 - Nachi (Host)

Yes, I was in my early 20s.

05:03 - Damaris (Host)

I'm like do y'all not know how latinos do right. The culture is we are staying home, we're not paying rent unnecessarily right, unless it's some dire situation.

05:16

Most don't move out of the home at 18 right look, we grew up with our father telling us poppy, telling us from jump he. He's like you know these Americans, once you turn 18, they kick you out the house, mommy. They kick you out the house. I was like what? That don't even make sense. As I got older, I was like, oh, I see what he's talking about. And that therapist was like why are you still in your parents' house seven years after your expiration date? Now, bruh, maybe in your life?

05:46 - Nachi (Host)

That's you Not in mine I'm good, I'm not ready.

05:49 - Damaris (Host)

My parents loved me Right. No, no, my parents loved me Right. Fuck it. I'm not ready to let that go and that too.

05:56 - Nachi (Host)

But that happens Right right, right Back to topic.

06:10 - Damaris (Host)

Yeah, yeah, and I know that I do have an attachment issue, not a disorder, because you ain't going to play me with that.

06:16 - Nachi (Host)

She's like I rebuke that disease, slash disorder you're trying to put on me. Because, yeah, because, as I mentioned, I've noticed that I've stayed in relationships well past its expiration, right, right, and a lot of it has had to do with, yeah, this is what I know. I, you know I'm, I'm gonna stay with this, or you like being in a comfort zone yes, yes, and, and I could go, as you know, as far back as my marriage.

06:45

I stayed in that marriage longer than I really needed to, even before that you were just always a serial monogamous.

06:53 - Damaris (Host)

You always were in a relationship, and if you were in their relationship, they were never necessarily short you know?

06:58 - Nachi (Host)

no, they were very long. That's what I said that I stayed in these relationships longer than I really needed to, and that I stayed in these relationships longer than I really needed to, and that in and of itself is problematic, but I didn't see it problematic back then.

07:11 - Damaris (Host)

Now, as you know, Because you live and you learn and you crash and you burn. But when I was reading about attachment and the theory of attachment from the psychology perspective right, they talk about that attachments develop at birth. Children use their caregivers as a secure base and a place of comfort where they go back to. You know, like after you go out and experiment, then you come back to your secure place and that is your primary caregiver, the one that does provide you that level of security. So for us, when I read that, I was like, yes, absolutely, because that is how we grew up, with a mom who was a very traditional wife but as well as holding down a job and then taking care of the house, feeding us, taking care of my father from a domestic standpoint. And my father was very much like I'm bringing home the bacon, I'm taking on two jobs, I'm providing security not just financially but also emotionally. He was very loving, very affectionate with us, always bigging us up, always instilling confidence in us.

08:35

And for me, that that kind of that bond that we, we developed with our parents was that base in that foundation for security and how we, how it informed our future relationships. Because they also said how that bond that's developed at a young age with your primary caregiver is what eventually informs and influences future relationships, and I've always looked at that. I always knew that without even reading this, simply because growing up you know your circle of friends. You see how people act and interact with others in their relationships and I remember just feeling like, okay, the ones, my friends, who didn't have a close relationship with their father, whether or not, if their parents were together or not, but if that, if their father wasn't a part of their lives, because your parents don't need to be married to still have a good relationship with your father.

09:47 - Nachi (Host)

Right.

09:49 - Damaris (Host)

I recognize that they approach their relationships with men very differently than I did, or some of my friends that did have a closer connection or a different or stronger bond with their father closer connection or a different or stronger bond with their father. And and it makes sense, right, because we always grew up feeling secure. So even when you and I, as teenagers, and the boys try to talk to us, we weren't easily gassed, and that's simply because I didn't look for that validation from the boys, because I'm like, first of all, what are you coming with? Oh, I'm cute, that's nice. You know, I hear this from my father. I actually hear better from my father every single day. So what else do you have to tell me? What else do you bring to the table, bro?

10:39 - Nachi (Host)

Okay.

10:40 - Damaris (Host)

And it's just like okay, but if he's cute I'm like I'm going to give you my number, Okay, but but again, I wasn't easily gassed because I knew they were going to talk to some of like 10 other girls, because this is New York City and anybody with fallopian tubes is getting, is getting some action yeah there was plenty out there, plenty.

11:10

So. So I say that because I do, I truly do believe that your attachments, especially when it comes to relationships, they form at an early stage and, of course, with the very first relationships in your life, and that's usually with your parents, and that does inform a lot of how you move forward in life with all types of different relationships.

11:28 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, so yeah, no, I definitely agree with that and and it's just not only emotional because that you know, that plays into having that sense of security, as you, as you mentioned. But then there's self-identity, types of attachments and, if you think about what you know, the role that you play maybe as an older sibling or someone if you're an only child, yeah, because you stay reminding me and Afonsito about how hard it was for you being the older of us and our little subset of cousins.

12:08 - Damaris (Host)

Yes, yes, good job, how there was so much pressure put on you, but that's not where I was going. Okay, sorry, go. Thank you, Carry on. Thank you, carry on. You're so defensive.

12:21 - Nachi (Host)

Triggered? I'm not, I'm not Triggered. So defensive, triggered, I'm not, I'm not triggered.

12:32

But I I'm thinking of the, the older sibling who's, who take on the responsibility, or feels like they have that responsibility, to take care of their other siblings, or, um, maybe, if they're part of a single parent home, that they have to take on some responsibilities Right and and they're probably giving to them too, because the parent is like I need your help, Right and so they, you know, they, they, they start having this or they continue feeling it goes into their adulthood where they just continue feeling like they have to be. So if you think about and this is not always the case, but if you think about, like those toxic relationships where the older sibling or the sibling that's always caring for others, you know like just putting other people for the people, ple, people pleaser.

13:23

Yes, that comes from that, because they hold on to this attachment in their role as the one that has to the caregiver in that scenario. So they feel like, oh, I got to take care of my younger brother because he's struggling with X, y and Z and they don't allow that sibling to kind of take accountability for their own actions Right.

13:48

So you think about that, um. But even you know, on the flip side, when you hold on to achievements, you know there's people who like to climb the career ladder, and if things don't turn out the way they expected, it's just like the whole world crashes around them.

14:12 - Damaris (Host)

Right, because their whole identity was around what they did for a living. So if they were let go or fired or whatever, that takes a toll because it's yeah, it's, it's a bruise to the ego, it's yeah. It forces you to now question yourself about am I just this Cause? If I am, that means that would mean that my life is over, right.

14:42 - Nachi (Host)

Yes.

14:42 - Damaris (Host)

Because if I only know myself to be a senior vice president and now I'm no longer that, then what else is there? Right?

14:51 - Nachi (Host)

What's there, you know what's left in life for me, and then that you know that type of-.

14:57 - Damaris (Host)

That's big and that's big and some people go into depression over that.

14:59 - Nachi (Host)

Yes, absolutely, and I think also my role as a mother. Sure Right, I'll say, in the beginning I've learned, but my kids are teenagers at this time, but when they were younger, my whole identity was around being their mother and I think during I was being their mother and a wife and in that timeframe where I was just focused on being a mother and a wife, I was losing myself.

15:37 - Damaris (Host)

And that's where you have to kind of start recognizing how these attachments are, what role these attachments are playing for you, whether it's positive or negative because I feel like that's also when your life started to move out of alignment and derail, to the point where you had to be like I no longer want to be in this circumstance anymore, because I remember, remember pre-marriage. You were very big on the. Let me read all the self-help books ever. Let me connect to my ancestors, let me do this. You were always on top of it and I'm like oh, look at this, brujita, you know Nachi, and naturally always connected to the spirits. Brujita, you know nachi, and naturally always connected to the spirits. No, but you were very much. You were actively doing things to uplift your like, your, your vibration.

16:35

You like to keep yeah and and I think to your point of once you got married and then had the kids, you made that such a priority that you didn't prioritize your self-care first and the things that your soul needs in order to be present in the way you were supposed to be.

16:59 - Nachi (Host)

You know, for example, career-wise, I feel like I was stagnant at that time because, again, my focus was just being a mother. Like you couldn't tell me about anything, I don't care, I'm, you know, I have children and my husband and all of that. That was just my main focus. And it wasn't until I started releasing my attachments to these roles, like that, I started recognizing this is just not my only role, right? Yes, I am a mother.

17:34 - Damaris (Host)

That's not the only thing that defines you.

17:36 - Nachi (Host)

No, no, and that's when things started opening up for me. I'm starting to align, aligning myself to things that I need more of, to things that I need more of, and so we got to sort of check the pulse on some of these attachments, because attachments aren't always bad, right it's. You know they have their positive, you know they have a positive role in your life as well, because it provides stability. Like we talked about our parents and what they've, you know the stability that they placed on or provided for us but then I think on the flip side, when your father passed, even as an adult right, right, but.

18:20 - Damaris (Host)

But I think on the flip side, when your father passed away, it was destabilizing for us but that was because, again, we were holding on to what was right yeah, yeah, and it was letting go, but we were not ready, because we're so attached, we weren't ready to let go of the fact that.

18:41

what are you saying? My, my father's no longer on this earth. What, what does? First of all, before he passed, even thinking about one of my parents passing away would bring tears to my eyes and I'd be like I can't talk about it.

18:59

And so when it happened it was, it was surreal and it was destabilizing, because I no longer felt secure. My father provided security, even though I'm a grown-ass woman yeah, that's the way, even as an adult as a grown-ass woman I just I'm like what do you mean? Poppy's no longer gonna be here in my life, right, I need him right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah but the reality is is that we all, we all, die one day?

19:32

right that is, and we have to we're going alone, we die alone, but I'll be rejoined with the ancestors, okay, and with the creator, I'm good. That was the cycle of that attachment and that was something we just needed to let go of. And, whether we wanted it or not, the umbilical cord was cut yes, it was like it's time he needs to go home they're like y'all grown ass bitches, stop playing.

20:05 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, no but you know again you we talked about how the negative side of attachment when it comes to your career, the positive side of that being attached or attached to the your career path Setting you know you're inspired by your goals, so that that's when you are setting goals for yourself and you are reaching forward in and trying to achieve it. That is a beautiful part of of attachment, because it makes you more disciplined right, you're more inclined, yeah, you're more inclined to move towards right and trying to reach your goal.

20:56

The problem is is when you think that this is it defines you right, right. That's when you have to, you know, check yourself and say, okay, you know what I need to reassess my situation. Why do I feel like this is who I am, when you're so much more than that? You're so much more than that.

21:17 - Damaris (Host)

Right and we've talked about emotional attachments and these relationship attachments and identity attachments, but we didn't get to talk about the spiritual aspect of it and I think, if we're going back and forth about the positive and the negatives with that, there's a lot of good when it can come, especially when it comes to your spiritual journey. For us it started within a religious structure catholicism and there was a lot of good that it did for me in terms of providing me a place in a sanctuary where I felt like I. When I, when I went to church, I felt good, I my week always felt like it started better because I'm hearing the gospel and it was uplifting because I'm hearing, you know, listening to the word of God. But then and that was also how I identify, I'm a Catholic and I was proud of that.

22:24 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah.

22:25 - Damaris (Host)

Yeah, but then at the same time, it became to me eventually toxic, stifling, limiting, because as I continue to evolve and get older, this idea of oh, I'm constantly in a state of mortal sin, and if you are a Catholic you know what I'm talking about.

22:48 - Nachi (Host)

Constantly feeling guilty.

22:50 - Damaris (Host)

Yes, that constantly feeling guilty. I can't ever go up and get communion because they're like if you're not in a state of grace, what the fuck are you doing up here trying to consume Jesus Christ? I still consumed him anyway, because I felt like why are you telling me that I can't have him? I?

23:05 - Nachi (Host)

felt like why are you telling me that I can't?

23:07 - Damaris (Host)

have them? No, no, my problem was that I knew too many rules of the Catholic church that it kept me up at night.

23:18 - Nachi (Host)

Nah, it would break the heart. No, you didn't care.

23:19 - Damaris (Host)

You didn't care, you're savage, and so.

23:25 - Nachi (Host)

Let me get the body of Christ. Let me get a body of Christ.

23:28 - Damaris (Host)

Let me let it burn down my throat because it is going down a mortally sinful throat. No, it's ridiculous. I just could no longer buy into that. And also, I've talked about this institution so often. It is an institution in disgrace. Miss me with any shit I know, cause I've born and raised in Catholicism. I don't respect the institution as it is run by human beings.

24:02 - Nachi (Host)

Right yeah.

24:03 - Damaris (Host)

I respect the word of God, yes, but you telling me how I should live my life, that I'm not a good person? I'm always in a state of sin. I don't know who you're talking to.

24:15 - Nachi (Host)

And why I got to confess yeah, I don't know you?

24:19 - Damaris (Host)

You're creepy. You want to hear what I have to say? Right, you want to hear about me and premarital sex. You're nasty, you're nasty, you're nasty.

24:26 - Nachi (Host)

That's between me and God, and he already know.

24:31 - Damaris (Host)

That's the other thing. It's like this idea and this is with all religions so the idea that there's always some intermediary. I don't need an intermediary. And so for me, I cut that attachment and that was something. You knew how I was about the church. I would go every Sunday because I felt good after the church, okay, good, I feel like my week is going to start off good, and it was a place where I could pray, really pray. It was a form of meditation. But I was just like we're no longer in line. We're no longer in line. We're no longer in line. I don't need you to tell me how to live my life, and also I don't need you to be like let me put in a good word for you about to God, about you. No, I, I have a direct connection. What do you mean that you're gonna put in a good word for me?

25:23

so if I go to confession like it's not, no, no, we're not doing that, we're not doing that yeah I know let me not go to ham on this, but the the point is that, even spiritually, for me, religion can be something that is, if not balanced in your life, can be, can have a toxic place. That's me personally, but I also feel you can be and my point is you can be spiritual without being religious.

25:55

You, yes, you're a spiritual being period right, you don't need religion to tell you that absolutely it's just a matter of how you want to engage with god, because here's the thing nobody is going to convince me that I go to another part of the world there and they're not Christian. That means that they're not going to heaven first of all, heaven, hell, that thing that doesn't exist in how, how you think it is yeah, because people are living in hell, right now in this realm.

26:28

So miss me again. My point is so you're telling me the creator, the perfect being, created a world with people and he's like I'm only going to take 10% of y'all, I only care about 10% of y'all, because y'all eat and drink the blood of Christ.

26:51 - Nachi (Host)

Fuck out of here, but I did.

26:54 - Damaris (Host)

You're like fuck mortal sins. Anyway, that's how I feel about the spiritual attachments and for me, my journey was that yeah. I left institutional religion.

27:09 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, and I think that's a struggle for a lot of people, right, because there's so many things that, yes, they may agree with, but then a lot more that they disagree with, and so how do you balance that out?

27:24 - Damaris (Host)

And it's tough because it's community too, and that's what I loved about it too. It's community in that. And look thing is I'm I'm still a catholic. My, my friend's boyfriend, who is also you, like us I went to parochial school their whole lives and also a native new yorker, and he's like oh so you're a fallen catholic.

27:42

I'm like watch your mouth I'm not nothing right still catholic, right, you know, just not practicing, and I'm not a Catholic. I'm still right, still Catholic, you know, just not practicing and I'm not. I mean, I'm just not falling. I don't need to say I'm Catholic, I don't care if you don't agree, but I'm not falling Cause I've been baptized, confirmed communion, all that stuff. I got the paperwork.

28:00 - Nachi (Host)

Right, right.

28:08 - Damaris (Host)

And I'm like please come over here. You gotta pray for me and stop playing with me. Stop playing with me and pray over me.

28:11 - Nachi (Host)

Put that oil anoint me, but I thought you didn't watch your mouth. I don't care about the institution just do what you need to do, come on give me the rights, read me my rights.

28:27 - Damaris (Host)

But yeah, but they also talk about come on but give me the rights, read me my rights.

28:31 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, so, um, but yeah, but you know, but they also talk about um surrendering to god, you know?

28:40 - Damaris (Host)

so those are the things that you know the things that we agree upon, right, yes, and I surrendered to god and I am told you don't need to do this. The creator has inspired me to walk out, so and I have.

28:55 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you find your place wherever that is, and sometimes you have to divorce it. And that's what that was.

29:06 - Damaris (Host)

Yes, because I felt the relationship was one of fear, and that's what that was, you know. Yes, because I felt the relationship was one of fear and it's based in fear, and that just didn't drive with me anymore, why am I living like this and so I? I didn't like that and I also, you know, uh, putting aside separately the, the whole pedophilia culture, you know it's it's really hard to continue to stand for that.

29:30 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, I totally agree with that. Some things that I think about when you're exploring attachments in your life and you talked about fear and that's you know, that's a question that you want to ask yourself is what am I afraid of losing? And that's always a good question to ask.

29:52 - Damaris (Host)

you know when when you're in a situation that's not working for you, that you continue to stay in when you feel like you're not aligned.

29:59 - Nachi (Host)

You know so. Again, with me it was relationships. I was staying in it longer than I needed to be. So if I asked myself, what am I afraid of losing? And you know, with my marriage as an example, I was afraid of losing what I thought a family was. I was afraid of starting, you know. Oh, I'm going to lose everything that I have now and I have to start all over again. Right, All of that, all of that, but you staying in in that situation. Whatever that is, is it worth?

30:54 - Damaris (Host)

it and change is inevitable. I think that's the other thing of this process of releasing attachments is that sometimes you don't do that because, to your point, you don't want to. You're either afraid of the unknown, of what's outside of this change in your life, or just the fact that you're losing the idea, the vision you had for yourself. So what does that mean for you. And, but change is the only constant right.

31:33 - Nachi (Host)

It's's always change is always going to happen.

31:36 - Damaris (Host)

So when you're rigid and you don't go with the flow, you're gonna just run into resistance and then that puts you generally out of alignment and that's when you suffer.

31:48 - Nachi (Host)

Yes, you create your own suffering, yes, your own hell you't.

31:53 - Damaris (Host)

you don't need heaven and hell Right.

31:55 - Nachi (Host)

You create it for yourself. You're creating that hell for yourself. Yep, yep, yep. And it leads to suffering. It does, it does. And again that decision. When I decided, okay, it okay, this is not for me, and decided that we needed to get a divorce, things started changing for me. It you would think it would be the opposite, right? Because when you think about okay, well, I'm gonna lose everything, it actually turned out better for me. Things for sure. Yes, yes, like with every parts of my life career praise god, yeah, it's like things were just falling into place.

32:40

But that goes to asking yourself is this attachment empowering me or is it constraining me like is it placing a constraint on me?

32:51 - Damaris (Host)

and I didn't realize too, for me, when people used to talk about if you want something like, if you want something that's in your heart, of course you'll, you can manifest it, but you have to be willing to surrender, let go. And I remember thinking what the hell does that mean? Because I remember in my thirties I was getting frustrated because I just couldn't find the right man, that I felt, okay, this could be a relationship. Oh, okay, this could be a relationship. It could lead into marriage. And I remember reading all these things or hearing people say well, just what was it? They would say.

33:48

Like let it go, let it flow, yeah, yeah, just let it go, just don't think about it, but in a Like, let it go, let it flow, yeah, yeah, just let it go, just don't like don't think about it.

33:53

Don't think about it, or, but in a weird way it's like but if that's what you want, you know, put it out there, but at the same time, let it go. And I was like, what the fuck does that mean? But wait. But then I had to learn. I was like, am I letting go? And then, and then someone else explained it best, which then flipped a switch for me.

34:18

They said when you're letting go of this attachment, it's not letting go of the idea of, oh, that you want to be married and you want to find a partner in life, it's letting go of the attachment of the out, letting go of the result, right, so? Or rather, let me say, to not be attached to the end result. So, if I get married, great. If I don't get married, I should also still feel great. Great, if I don't get married, I should also still feel great. And that was a light bulb moment for me, because I had never considered, oh, if I don't get married, right, what I need to be okay with that too. Yeah, and literally I was just like there was a weight lifted for me, because when I absorbed that idea, it I was like, okay, well, that means I'll be the richest, baddest auntie ever, and I'll continue to travel and do whatever, whatever the fuck I want the way I'm doing it right now.

35:26

Yeah, yeah literally three months later, I was in my relationship with my then boyfriend that became my husband. That's what that was. And it was and I didn't know what it was. When people would say, I'm like what am I letting go? And it was, I was no longer. I was letting go, my attachment to the end result, so I was letting go. I was surrendering to the fact that it can go either way and I was going to be a oh fucking K.

35:58 - Nachi (Host)

Because when you surrender opportunities start to open.

36:02 - Damaris (Host)

Yes, but when people were like just surrender, surrender into what, what does?

36:06 - Nachi (Host)

that mean.

36:07 - Damaris (Host)

Right, yeah, and I could never get a straight answer. And you know my guides, my ancestors, they were like bitch, here you go, and it was at a friend's dinner.

36:15 - Nachi (Host)

It's going to have to be black and white for you.

36:17 - Damaris (Host)

Yes, it was at a friend's dinner, somebody was saying yeah, and so this woman said that surrendering means to let go to your attachment to the outcome, to your results.

36:27 - Nachi (Host)

And I was like oh, I could do that and I was like, oh, I could do that. Yes, and you know it's always hard to, especially so just going back to dealing, you know wanting to be married, and trying to figure out like, oh, how do I let go of that, Like how do I surrender, or what does that mean? It's always hard when you have family, every time they see you asking you oh, my goodness, get married.

36:57 - Damaris (Host)

There were many of I. I was so close. I remember going to a family event with my cousins and my cousins were there and they're like ganging up on me. One is like when you gonna get married? When? Like when are you going to get married? Like, oh, if I want to get married, yeah, let me just pick up some random dude on the street Right so y'all can be happy that I'm married, so you can be happy that I'm married. And then let me get a divorce five years later, no. And then the other cousin you're being too picky, or something along those lines. I remember that night I was so pissed Mommy calls me just to check in on me. I kind of snapped at her and she's like like what is going on with you.

37:39

And I told her she had a talk with my cousins, got in their asses. I was like, watch your mouth, stop talking to my daughter and harassing her. Because, real talk, I was like five seconds away from saying to, from saying to one cousin didn't you just have couples counseling with my parents and the other cousin ain't you on your second marriage?

38:04 - Nachi (Host)

But I was like chill, chill, right, right, yeah, yeah, this is where we were.

38:11 - Damaris (Host)

And I just and just and so, yeah, you have a lot of pressure from family society wondering why aren't you married? Yeah, why don't you have kids? And and some would decide, well, forget about the marriage, just have kids. I'm like, oh, absolutely fucking not. I have no desire to have kids outside of a marriage because I need help. You already know I can't do more than three things in a day, so how am I supposed to do this by myself with a kid? No, I'm not signing up for that. And then I saw I had a friend who was a single mom and that seemed like a nightmare to me and that's why I big up single parents so heavy let me tell you praise.

38:56 - Nachi (Host)

God, god bless y'all that was another thought that was creeping in in my head when I was coming to the realization that my relationship just wasn't working any longer, and it was a thought of like, oh you know, again losing a family, but the fear of now having to care for two young kids on my own that was, and I know a lot of people will stay in relationships because of that. Like I, I'm not going to do this by myself In real talk. You're probably doing it by yourself anyway. Anyway, no, it's true.

39:38 - Damaris (Host)

And then there's the stigma right Of you're a single parent. It's all kinds of fucked up. Yes yes, so I really I am constantly in awe of single parents because I know the level of work that goes into that, and God bless you guys. God bless you. But I knew it was something I couldn't sign up for right, right right.

40:05 - Nachi (Host)

I was like y'all could miss me with that shit so I know you, you you said how you know once you, once you understood how to surrender or what to surrender, that that was a light bulb for you. Are there any other ways and any other techniques that you've incorporated, as you recognize certain attachments that may not be working for you?

40:37 - Damaris (Host)

Yes. So for me, when I feel that something is out of alignment, and even if it's as difficult as letting go of a friendship or ending some sort of relationship, I of a friendship or ending some sort of relationship, I, I truly, I straight up ask God. I will say, if this person like, for example, a breakup, that I had in my twenties my late twenties.

41:05

it was very hard, like it was someone that I love, but it was also, I think I was, more in love with the idea of what we could have, what we could be in the future versus who he was Right. And I was in love with the idea of what we could be.

41:23

Yes, and how great we could be together. And when it, when I realized that this wasn't gonna be, this isn't good for me anymore, it was really hard to let go. It was heartbreaking and I and I prayed. I said god, if this man is not for me, I need this pain in my heart to go away. And when I tell you like, within three days, that pain faded.

41:55

Like I was like, if this man ain't for me, then I can't feel this way anymore. I need you to help me. So my guardian angels, the creator, they were like all right, bet, that's all you have to say. Say the word, that's all you got to do is ask. And so literally that's what I do sometimes. When I'm not sure of something, it's like, well, make it, if this day for me, I accept, I, I really just come from a place I'm always introspective, so I'm always talking to myself and I'm asking oh, if I feel funny about something, I start asking myself why. And it's then it's a conversation of well, if this isn't meant for me, I accept that. Just remove it from my space, and that is literally what will happen. And so for me, I guess that's a form of meditation and the self-awareness that I have from a spiritual perspective, of like how I think about things and and how I just intuitively move towards certain decisions if I feel like something in the milk ain't clean right right and I gotta move forward that's it.

43:05 - Nachi (Host)

that's it. You know it's funny. Decluttering is helpful. Yes, For me, Things that I don't know.

43:21 - Damaris (Host)

I'll get into a space where it's just like, okay, I need to get rid of some stuff and I say that's a huge, that's really huge, for when you're clearing out your space, then it's like something about you know, it clears out, like even your mental space, your aura, just in general. Yeah, it supports all of that. It's like you're making.

43:43 - Nachi (Host)

You're making space for the new, for the, the new things yeah, the right things that you need I do have a tendency of holding on to things because it holds some.

43:55 - Damaris (Host)

We're part hoarders from your father. We're like part hoarders.

43:59 - Nachi (Host)

And I have to let it go. I have to let it go. I really do.

44:04 - Damaris (Host)

It all depends on me. I don't just be letting shit go.

44:06 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, not everything, but you know there are things. At times I would. If I'm really in a foggy space and need to get some clarification, I may do a huge dump like I'm not looking through. I haven't looked at this and I don't know how long.

44:27 - Damaris (Host)

Wow, you're brave, I know, but that's the best way to do it, because otherwise you'll go down a rabbit hole of your own shit the only thing I don't throw away are papers like I gotta look at it because you know I gotta, you know, shred, oh yeah same here, but other stuff.

44:42 - Nachi (Host)

I'm just like, okay, I'm just throwing this out, giving this away, and it it does help you with being clear with yourself. So if you're ever in a situation, as you're trying to assess, like why, what is this attachment doing for me? Is this, is this serving me in any kind of way? And if it's not, why am I holding on to it? And when you start kind of clearing up, clearing out your space, you do start to think clear.

45:17 - Damaris (Host)

So clearing out your space is a huge is an effective way to cut those attachments.

45:23 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, and a lot, a lot of things would come up for me. And that's when I start journaling Right, start journaling right. I start because so much is is going through my mind. I have to let it out on paper, and for me, that's how I purge also, cause, you know, my mind is cluttered. I gotta let it go.

45:43 - Damaris (Host)

Right, it needs to go somewhere, so you release it and it's bye-bye. Yeah, yeah, no, that's great.

45:49 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, and that's part and you know part and you know, for me, journaling is is a mindful, a mindful activity because I get lost in my writing. I'm just writing and and just sharing my thoughts and just everything that's coming out all at once, and that's when you start to get your answers, as you sure? Do no. No, it's why you're attached, you know, is it serving you? Um what are you afraid of losing?

46:22 - Damaris (Host)

yes, and I think for some people it's scary to do because they're afraid of the answer, and I get that.

46:30

Yeah, and that's tough, I know it is tough, but it's but it's so freeing, it's so freeing so I I hope anybody that's listening to this that is hesitant even about praying, saying things out loud of like I need help, help me figure out how to get through this or remove this from my space if it's no longer serving me, and you'll see people fall away. You know different scenarios just change up for you because you asked for clarity or you asked to remove the things that no longer serve you, and sometimes there are people, places and things that no longer serve you. Like New York City no longer served me. I was a lifelong new yorker right I just moved a few months ago.

47:19 - Nachi (Host)

My whole life has been in new york, outside of yeah, outside of college a couple of years ago, if you, if anyone asked you, were you moving out of new york? You was like hell, no, why better why?

47:31 - Damaris (Host)

why? What are we doing?

47:33 - Nachi (Host)

and I had a had an attachment to New York.

47:37 - Damaris (Host)

I did, I did and and the good lord was like stop playing, it's time for you to go, it's done and things. And when I tell you that things were no longer serving me in that city, it just wasn't it. It felt restrictive, I felt I felt like a prisoner in a city of 8 million people.

47:59 - Nachi (Host)

Right yeah.

48:00 - Damaris (Host)

Multiple reasons and it's just. It just wasn't for me anymore. I enjoy now going back to New York city as a tourist. I love it. I love going there as a visitor. One cause I know the place, it's my home. It'll always be my home in my heart. And two, because I could leave and I don't have to live there.

48:22

And I love that place and I love the people there, but it just no longer served me as a place to live and that was okay, but that was a huge change for me and so I think, covering these things that we talked about, how do you, how do you release these attachments that no longer serve you? Because it also is, there are attachments that continue to serve you, my sister being attached to me. She will die without not being connected to me.

48:51 - Nachi (Host)

Yes, and that's okay. I'm not going to lie Right and vice versa.

48:56 - Damaris (Host)

So look, we ride or die and we're going down together.

48:59 - Nachi (Host)

It's Thelma and Louise, off the cliff, yes, if I don't speak to her, I'm like, especially when she goes away with her husband, I'm like, okay, I'm not going to bother you, but Lies, no, no.

49:09 - Damaris (Host)

I'm not going to bother you, but Lies, no, no, you're pretty good.

49:12 - Nachi (Host)

You're pretty good, Especially when you're visiting his family or something. I'm like when's she going to call me?

49:18 - Damaris (Host)

I'm like please call me.

49:21 - Nachi (Host)

Please call me, I can step out, it's fine. I'm like, please don't call her Right right. I'm like please don't call her.

49:31 - Damaris (Host)

Right. Right, but this is just. I think it's the process of evaluating your attachments, recognizing them for what they are, what purpose they serve in your life, understanding that there are limits there are time limits sometimes or other type of limits and that's okay and that's when you release them, and it's knowing how to do that and trusting your gut and and creating that space for yourself. So, for my sister is decluttering, it's journaling. For me, it's a form of meditation, of being still praying, and that's that's. That's what we wanted to share today in this episode. I think.

50:22

I hope you've gotten something out of this and and recognize the value in said attachments. And, as always, we like to close out with there's a lot of noise out there, but our message is consistent Stop getting distracted by the smoke and mirrors, by presidential executive orders, tune out the noise, focus on your divine purpose in life, don't worry about deportations, vibrate higher to elevate your frequency and always. Thank you for listening. So, that said, don't forget to subscribe to our channel and follow us on Instagram, tiktok and Twitter at @imnotyelling_ , and we look forward to talking next time.